Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Waking Up

Texas isn't a place that you want to be stuck in. Nothing beats waking up one morning and feeling the Migraine of your life. I recalled peering onto the Astral plane, and seeing at least twenty odd people in shining green armor. Each of them sat on top of a pissed off looking unicorn. That was about when I knew I was in trouble.

Their leader said to me, "Now, at last, I will have vengeance for what you did to my father!"

I was confused by this. I sat up and said, "Who was your father, exactly?"

He shouted, "Do you not recognize my Heraldry? My armor?!"

I observed him with my senses. His Heraldry was covered in vines with a shield and a sword crossed with a trident. I didn't remember it at all.

I said, "Well...uh...Work with me here. Where did I kill him? Are you sure you have the right guy?"

This made him madder, "I know it was done by the War Without End, the woman whose death never comes, the Beast in Blue, who has suddenly awaken from her slumber!"

And now I felt like a serious asshole:

"Look, I'm sorry. I really don't remember. I mean...I killed a LOT of people during my career. I never wanted it to go that way, but that's how it happened. I'm very, very sorry."

He shouted, "No! It's not acceptable! You don't even remember his name?! His face!?"

It terrifies me that I can actually say "But for me, It was Tuesday", and not be joking around. The sheer number of bodies I stacked up when things were at their worst, and the sheer amount of psychic weight I endured, well, I honestly only remember maybe a quarter of it on the good days.

I said, "I'm really, really sorry."


Then the pain started. Getting impaled through a wall by multiple lances was never a good way to start your day. I remember Elaine staring over at me with concern, as the physical world and the astral plane wrapped around each other. I recall being at dinner with her and August and Spencer, but only bits and pieces. Did they even notice how quiet I was?

I recall cutting three of the unicorn riding knights in half with lasers I fired from my eyes. It gave me room to maneuver, and then I had my sword out. Nets, and vast waves of power were flung in my direction. That was okay. I was used to nets. When entities find an astral form that is much, much more potent than theirs, and all they have is numbers on their side, they tend to go with some kind of astral weapon like a net to bring their target down. When the net was burning with a blue flame and these bastard started running their unicorns the fuck out of the way, I began to go to work. Astral combat is a fluid, strange thing, but I could feel the unicorns projecting something toward me. I was barely conscious during all this, because of whatever they were hitting me with.

I have a thing about killing unicorns. The correct answer is to not fight them at all. They're magnificent, wonderful creatures that mostly live on the Higher Planes, and occasionally visit the astral plane. Fast, deadly, powerful, and friendly. No unicorn I've ever seen starts a fight with someone who doesn't have it coming to them. I wonder what that says about me? So when I drop a lightning bolt on one that frags the unicorn and it's rider, I try to feel bad. It doesn't take. I can't say I feel all that charitable toward people that are trying to kill me.

I could spend a few hours describing an epic conflict, but it's not worth it. At the end of the day, surrounded by a pile of bodies, feeling dozens of weapons in my side, I stood amidst my ambushers and they fell down in a bloody mess. The Knight who'd started all of this stared at me. It looked like he was about to cry.

And all I could say was, "I am Sinistar. Beware, I live. Run, Run, Run. Beware, Coward. Run Coward."

He started bawling tears, and rather than running like hell as he should have, his Unicorn intensified that beam that was doing SOMETHING to me, and he charged me. He was screaming something about glory and honor.

I roared. As his body fell to the ground, I found myself saying:

"I hunger."

Even half dead and covered with wounds, insane and facing yet another side effect of the things I've wrought, I can still make bad videogame references.

Hours passed. I woke up on a hotel bed, staring up at Elaine. She looked worried.

She asked me: "Are you alright?"

I said, "I am now.."

Nobody's killing me yet. I still have work to do.


  1. ... Fuck, Nick. Why didn't you... dammit, we need to talk.

  2. At least you gave him an honorable death...


  3. Holy shit.


    I guess unicorns are real...

    Also don't die goddammit and stay safe.

  4. Don't beat yourself up about not remembering the father. There comes a point where you simply can't remember every person you've killed and stay sane. If we remembered the face of every single person whose death we caused.... Then the only way we'd be able to keep from snapping would be to stop caring at all. And that's even worse than forgetting.

  5. Nick, be wary of your language. Note that you said "Nobody's killing you YET." It's going to happen at the rate you're going. But do try and keep yourself and Elaine safe.

  6. What MrStumblr said. You seem nice, try to avoid dying.

  7. Uh... wow. So you're Nick(Sage).


    I seem to have accidentally drawn you, according to Elaine? Maybe you know the other two people in the picture...?

  8. But for me, it was Tuesday.

    Makes you feel like a real bastard when that happens, doesn't it?